Poetry: For My Lover, Returning To His Wife

Anne Sexton

She is all there.
She was melted carefully down for you
and cast up from your childhood,
cast up from your one hundred favorite aggies.

She has always been there, my darling.
She is, in fact, exquisite.
Fireworks in the dull middle of February
and as real as a cast-iron pot.

Let's face it, I have been momentary.
A luxury. A bright red sloop in the harbor.
My hair rising like smoke from the car window.
Littleneck clams out of season.

She is more than that. She is your have to have,
has grown you your practical your tropical growth.
This is not an experiment. She is all harmony.
She sees to oars and oarlocks for the dinghy,

has placed wild flowers at the window at breakfast,
sat by the potter's wheel at midday,
set forth three children under the moon,
three cherubs drawn by Michelangelo,

done this with her legs spread out
in the terrible months in the chapel.
If you glance up, the children are there
like delicate balloons resting on the ceiling.

She has also carried each one down the hall
after supper, their heads privately bent,
two legs protesting, person to person,
her face flushed with a song and their little sleep.

I give you back your heart.
I give you permission—

for the fuse inside her, throbbing
angrily in the dirt, for the bitch in her
and the burying of her wound—
for the burying of her small red wound alive—

for the pale flickering flare under her ribs,
for the drunken sailor who waits in her left pulse,
for the mother's knee, for the stockings,
for the garter belt, for the call—

the curious call
when you will burrow in arms and breasts
and tug at the orange ribbon in her hair
and answer the call, the curious call.

She is so naked and singular.
She is the sum of yourself and your dream.
Climb her like a monument, step after step.
She is solid.

As for me, I am a watercolor.
I wash off.

Poem Overview:

This poem focuses on quite an unconventional portrayal of adultery, with the mistress as the narrator talking about why the husband should go back to his wife. She lists all the good things about the wife and her relationship with the husband, only discussing herself and how she fits into the situation very briefly- right at the end of the poem. It is clear that the mistress is the outsider, someone who is only a fleeting part of the husband's life, and because of this it is the mistress who the reader pities. This is very unusual as conventionally it is the wife who you feel sorry for, yet because she is portrayed as such a strong, constant, admirable figure you pity how the mistress cannot compare to this.

Context:

Published in 1969, this poem portrays how American society was becoming more and more open about sexual relationships. It was now acceptable for people to have sex outside of marriage and women were gaining many more rights. Despite this, there was still a clear disparagement between how men and women were viewed in relation to sex. It was much more socially acceptable for men to have affairs than women, and it was always the mistress and not the husband who was viewed with scorn, objectified and seen as disposable. This poem is clearly portraying this idea that the mistress is just 'passing through' and does so very cleverly by allowing the reader to view the situation from the mistress's perspective. 

This idea of addressing taboo subjects and writing confessional poetry was very prominent in all of Anne Sexton's work. She was well known for promoting discussion and often criticism for talking about issues such as sexuality, infidelity, abortion and depression and it is clear that this poem fits into the trend very well.

Themes:

There are various themes discussed in this poem, one of which, clearly, is love. Sexton presents both physical, sexual love and emotional, loyal love and explores how these fit into a marriage and an adulterous relationship. It is suggested that although both are important, it is the deep emotional connection found in marriage which is most important as it can last and survive many things whereas sexual love has no real foundations other than lust which is only very fleeting.

Another theme presented is family. The mistress uses the children and the wife's motherhood as key examples when illustrating the strength and importance of the marriage and this shows that Sexton is presenting family life as a very strong bond. This idea of the wife and husband being part of a close family unit is part of what isolates the mistress and so is very important to show the contrast between the relationship which the wife has with her husband and the one which he shares with the mistress.

Poetic Techniques:

One of the main techniques employed by Sexton is the use of imagery. When the wife is described, a lexical field of strength and stability is used and this illustrates how she is a constant, steady presence in the husband's life. In contrast to this, the imagery used for the mistress is the complete antithesis, with terms such as "watercolour" showing her fragility and lack of depth when compared to the wife. To further demonstrate this, Sexton uses an asyndetic list when the mistress is detailing all the qualities of the wife and this gives the impression that there are many things building up which make the mistress feel inadequate. 

Structure:

The structure of this poem is very interesting  because the vast majority of it is discussing the wife with only a few lines focusing on the mistress and her relationship. It is almost as if talking about herself is an afterthought and this could be mimetic of how she feels like an afterthought, an outsider in the relationship she has with the husband. Anaphora is also used repeatedly in this poem, when the qualities of the wife are listed. This suggests that the wife is a constant, predictable presence in the husbands life, just like the phrase, which contrasts the role of the mistress as only a fleeting pleasure.

Presentations of Love:

The way love is presented in this poem is very interesting because there are aspects which are very stereotypical and aspects which are quite unconventional. For example the idea that a marriage is about love building up over time and becoming comfortable and predictable is somewhat of a cliche however because the wife is also presented as sexual and physical as well it suggests that women should not just be overlooked based on the stereotypes. Similarly, the mistress appears to conform to the stereotype at first as she seems to only be providing sex and is viewed as disposable. Despite this, because the poem is from her perspective, the reader pities the mistress and not the wife and this is very unconventional. Consequently although the presentation of love is what we expect in some ways, there are also parts of the poem where Sexton is challenging the reader to look beyond the stereotypes.